just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
