We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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