: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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