sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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