My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
