..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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