I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
