you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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