I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have fence marks all over my body
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
