Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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