It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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