Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
