Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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