yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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