Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
