# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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