the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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