guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
