Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
