I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
