I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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