can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
