our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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