he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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