four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
