Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
