If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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