make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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