This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize