Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
