So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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