I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
