Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
