Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
