she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
