At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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