Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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