She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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