omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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