We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize