Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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