The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
