Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
