Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
