you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Even my vagina gasped.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
