If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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