it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize