Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
