how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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