if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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