I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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