What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
