Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize