Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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