Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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