I am midnight drunk by noon
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
