My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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