Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
