i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bring me that man meat
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
