My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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