I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
