I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
