I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize