just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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