I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
