dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
