Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Randomize
