We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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