hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Randomize
