What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
