Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize