He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
