She's JV to your varsity
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
