We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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