I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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