Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
