I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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